Puke it like Eminem

There’s an unforgettably shameful incidence while I was in the ICU.

I disastrously puked when the nurses encouraged me to drink up my milk. I had to be cleaned up and given a new hospital outfit as the old one was all wet and slimy. The poor nurse disappeared without a word. Her colleagues told me she spent the last hour of her shift in the shower. I puked all over her.

Remember Eminem’s video clip (forgot its title), the scene in the john when he puked all over someone who supposed to be Michael Jackson? Well, the incidence in the ICU was very close to that.

In the ICU

Sleeping over at the ICU was actually not bad at all. <<I heard you. No offense, my friend. You’re right. It’s not so bad as long as you’re not half dead or having a complication>>

What I’m saying is that my first experience with the ICU was, not pleasing, but nevertheless not an awful one.

I was admitted in the ICU for a day shortly after coming out of the operation room.

The strumectomy (that’s the term used by the doctors in this hospital for thyroidectomy or thyroid surgery) went very well. I was sent to the ICU to allow them to closely monitor any possible difficult breathing and bleeding. Standard procedure, they said.

Nurses checked up on me frequently. I was fully awake, in excellent condition despite the bleeding on my scar, but was not allowed to move much so I had to rely on the nurse to help me when I pee or need to drink. The nurses were all great.

The only distortion was to hear other patients yelled or groaned in pain.

Surgery at last

I did some internet research to find as much information as I could get on this darn lump of mine. My findings confirmed that surgery was the best option if I wanted to get rid of the lump.

So I went to see my surgeon, who ordered another series of test, the results of which were not much different. Only this time, surgery was strongly recommended.

On 22 October, I underwent a thyroidectomy on the right lobe. On 25 October, I returned home with a flat-but-no-longer-smooth neck. Problem solved.

Damn lump must go

My endocrinologist performed a fine needle aspiration biopsy and ordered a pathology test, the result of which was pretty similar with the ones I undertook last year. It said the lump was only a mild tumor, and surgery was not mentioned.

When he performed the biopsy, most of the liquid agent in the nodules was sponged out resulting in a flat neck. Wonderful.Marvelous, I thought. I was ecstatic to see my smooth-and-flat-again neck, and had planned to go shopping, proudly wearing my favorite clothe that reveal my entire neck.

The next morning, however, I was shocked to see the lump had very visibly grown to even a larger size. Darn! That’s it. I’ve had it. The damn lump must go!

It started with a lump

My involuntarily affair with thyroid carcinoma began probably two years ago, or maybe even earlier.

It was my mother who noticed a small lump on my lower right neck last year. I wasn’t aware of it, never noticed its existence since it’s relatively small and totally painless. Besides, I was busy nurturing my newborn daughter.

Our family doctor had me undergone blood test, USG and CT Scan. The tests showed some solid and liquid nodules with cystic character, and recommended a biopsy.

I chose to delay seeing an endocrinologist and stayed home enjoying motherhood. But the lump grew larger and become more visible. I started to worry, so after a year went by I eventually marched to my endocrinologist's office.

Try to cheer myself up

Still upset because of the bad news. Painfully tried to comprehend the situation. Thought cry would lessen my heavy heart, but I could only cried a little and it just made me feel bad about myself.

My husband did his best to stay calm and tried to cheer me up. Oh, poor sweetheart. I’m so sorry that you’ve got to go through this.

When I eventually came to my senses, I tried to think of anything to cheer myself up, if not to remain sensible and grateful.

Hmm, let me see. I guess I can be grateful for I have been blessed with an adorable little daughter and a wonderful husband.

I guess I should be thankful and cheerful for I still can love and be loved, talk nice or dirty, walk the morning walk with my baby and hubby, eat my favorite less healthy meals, breath the air freely, get to sleep almost 8 hours a day, listen to music, hear the wind blows and the birds sing, growl at anyone who irritates me, and so much more.

Whinny me

Ketika gue lagi sendirian di taxi dalam perjalanan pergi or pulang dari rumah sakit, atawa lagi nunggu giliran ketemu dokter, kadang timbul perasaan self-pity. It’s when I started to dare myself to question God, “Why does Thee let it happen to me?”

It’s not that I’m dying or facing a huge possibility of becoming paralyzed. According to my surgeon, the carcinoma I had in fact was a low-risk one and the prognosis for thyroid carcinoma is mostly excellent.

Still, having diagnosed with a cancer is never a pleasant circumstance. It for the least ruins my emotional welfare and devastates my husband’s cash flow management.

It certainly will forever change my entire life, not to mention the futures of my beloved husband and daughter.

Benjolan itu ternyata kanker

Cancer, like love and tsunami, comes to you when you least expect it. It chooses its victims indiscriminately. 

If it happened to others, it can happen to me. And you, too. 

Yak, ternyata saudara-saudara, benjolan yg selama beberapa bulan terakhir bercokol di kelenjar tiroid, yang minggu lalu diangkat dokter bedahku, berisi sel2 kanker. It's stage 2 papillary thyroid carcinoma with follicular and tall cell variants, he said.

Baiklah. 

Jangan terlalu khawatir, kata dokterku. Kanker tiroid itu bisa diobati, dan kamu sudah melewati salah satu tahap penting dalam proses pengobatan dengan menjalani operasi. Langkah berikut, kita tunggu luka bekas operasi kering sempurna, baru kamu ambil tes lengkap untuk persiapan ablasi, jelasnya. 

Baiklah.

Tenang aja, kata dokterku lagi. Harapan hidup pasien kanker tiroid berapa lama, tanyaku. Saya punya banyak pasien kanker tiroid dan banyak dari mereka yang hidup sampai 20 tahun, katanya sampai tersenyum lebar dan lepas. Sudahlah, jangan takut, you'll be fine, sekarang pulihkan kondisi untuk persiapan ablasi ya, kata dia.

Ok. Baiklah. Aku lalu pulang.


So, aku tanya ke diri sendiri, gimana perasaan loe? Menurut loe?!

Seperti kebanyakan orang, gue gak pernah kebayang bakal kena kanker; entah kanker macam apa kek, atau seberapa jinak pun.

Anyway, since it already got me, I need to toughen up meself. Ya iya lah, like I have a choice.

But, good heavens! Why me?